


Split (2017)

by Butterynutjob



Category: X-Men (Movieverse), X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Embarrassment, Flirting, M/M, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-01
Updated: 2017-08-01
Packaged: 2018-12-09 14:07:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11670621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Butterynutjob/pseuds/Butterynutjob
Summary: When I first heard of the movie Split, I didn't know what the title referred to...and that spawned this story. :)





	Split (2017)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [thacmis](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thacmis/gifts).



Erik hated these kinds of events. Company party, thrown at the boss’s Malibu mansion. As the lead engineer on the project, he couldn’t really refuse when airfare from New York and hotel accommodations were being provided for him.

He tugged uselessly at his tie as he prowled around the home, looking for a place to escape momentarily and smoke a cigarette. He didn’t actually smoke cigarettes as much as he used to, but it made a good excuse to get some fresh air when the press of people and the expectation of socialization became too much. 

Erik much preferred the company of just himself or one other person. There hadn’t been anyone for a while, but that was okay with him. 

Erik found a downstairs room that looked like a small library, and it had a balcony. Perfect. 

He opened the balcony doors and was surprised once again at the temperature. It was almost the same temperature outside as it was inside, which seemed counter-intuitive when one was looking over an ocean in the evening, but he supposed that was global warming for you. 

He snorted as he lit his cigarette. 

He had been standing in the darkness on the balcony for about a minute when he heard a noise from the room. Feeling a little guilty that he shouldn’t be where he was, Erik kept quiet and held his cigarette in his hand so the cherry couldn’t be easily seen. 

“—most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to me in my life, Raven, I don’t know what I’m going to do!”

Erik peered around the balcony wall to see a brown-haired man pacing agitatedly back and forth in the small library. 

“Stop. Laughing!” The man hissed into his cell phone, still pacing. 

Erik relaxed and took a drag of his cigarette. This seemed interesting. 

“No, I don’t, who brings a change of underwear with them to a company party?”

Erik nearly coughed but caught himself in time by pressing the side of his fist hard against his mouth. 

“I wouldn’t know what to do with a needle and thread if I had them,” the man said in a defeated voice. He finally stopped pacing and rubbed his forehead with the hand not holding his phone, his back to the balcony. 

Erik had an obstacle-free view of exactly what was causing the man so much distress: he had split his pants up the back seam, from the crotch almost all the way up to his waist. At least an inch of nicely-rounded buttock was visible on either side of the split.

Erik allowed a smirk to creep across his lips. He silently took another drag of his cigarette and decided to watch what unfolded.

“Yeah. Thanks, I’ll let you know,” the man inside said dejectedly. He had turned around so that he was now facing the balcony. Right after he appeared to end his call, he cocked his head at the open balcony door and squinted. 

It felt like his cue. Erik dropped his cigarette butt and stepped on it. “Evening,” he said calmly. 

“Oh, hello,” the man said, blinking blue eyes at him anxiously. “I didn’t know anyone was out there.”

“Oh, yes, well,” Erik said, slowly strolling inside. “There’s such a nice _breeze_ this evening, it seemed a shame not to enjoy it.” He smirked at the other man. 

The brown-haired man opened his mouth to respond and then he snapped his mouth shut. His face visibly reddened. “So you saw.”

Erik raised his eyebrows and nodded, the smirk still on his face. “The confusing part is why you don’t seem to be wearing any underwear.”

“Oh, God, this isn’t happening,” the man said, covering his face with both hands. 

Erik laughed. “It’s not that bad. You’re going to laugh about this someday.” 

“Well, not today,” the man said miserably. “And if you must know, I’m not wearing underwear because I thought I was going to—ah, get lucky tonight.”

“Confident,” Erik remarked. He wondered idly if he might get another view of the man’s rounded and exposed backside. 

The man snorted. “A little too confident,” he said. “Much how I felt about my pants size when I packed.” 

Erik laughed again. The other man frowned at him but a reluctant smile found it’s way onto his lips. 

“I’m Erik, by the way,” Erik said. “Erik Lehnsherr.” He offered his hand to shake.

“Charles,” the man said with a smile, shaking Erik’s hand. “I’d just as soon not share my last name with you, though.”

“Oh,” Erik said, a little patronizingly. “Are you famous?”

“Not famous enough to be able to live this down,” Charles said with a sigh. He twisted, trying to look at his backside. In the effort, Erik got another glance, for which he was silently grateful. 

“Do you want me to find Pepper for you?” Erik said. “She would probably have a solution, and she is the most discreet person I know.”

“Thank you, but…” Charles sighed. “She and Tony disappeared together a while ago.”

“Ah.” That wasn’t really a surprise, seeing how much they fought. “The house AI?” Erik suggested. 

Charles shuddered. “I can’t. Computers can’t be trusted.”

Erik raised an eyebrow. “Apparently you are not an engineer.”

“No,” Charles said. He looked at Erik imploringly, and really, it should be a crime for someone to be this attractive and also an ass that wouldn’t quit. “You don’t happen to have a needle and thread, do you?”

Erik smiled. “Well, actually…” He shook his head. “Sorry, that was me trying to be funny. Of course I don’t; who brings a sewing kit to a party?”

“Can you help me at all?”

Erik sighed. The poor man was miserable and it was starting to be less amusing for Erik knowing that. “I suppose I can go get your date. What does she look like?”

Charles looked very uncomfortable. “Um. My date actually left.”

“Oh.” Erik appraised Charles again, and couldn’t resist another dig. “So you really _were_ overconfident.”

“I really don’t want to talk about it,” Charles muttered, crossing his arms and looking away. 

There was a moment of awkwardness. Erik wondered if he should leave Charles to sort of his problem on his own, but he really didn’t want to. 

“How did it happen?” Erik asked. 

“My date leaving?” Charles looked at Erik in surprise. 

“I meant your pants ripping.”

“Ah,” Charles said, “Yes. Um. Well, it happens the way it always does, I suppose.”

“Oh. So this happens to you a lot?”

“What? No! This is the first—I mean, the only time.” Charles started pacing again and made it a turn and a half before he realized he was exposing himself to Erik on every other turn. “I just meant it happened how you would think.”

Erik gave Charles a blank look. 

After a moment of looking at Erik expectantly, Charles heaved a huge sigh. “I was squatting?” he prompted. 

“Oh!” Erik thought about it. “Okay, I can see that,” he said thoughtfully. 

Charles looked Erik up and down. Erik raised his eyebrow curiously until Charles asked, “Is your coat in here?”

Erik smiled and shook his head regretfully. “It’s too warm for a coat. It’s upstairs in the coat closet.”

Erik was about to offer to go get it when Charles out his face in his hands again. “Oh no. Oh no!” 

“What now?” Erik said. 

“I didn’t book a hotel because I was going to stay at his tonight,” Charles said miserably. “Shit. Why don’t I ever think ahead?”

“His what? His who?” Erik asked, confused. 

“My date,” Charles said. He sighed, “I feel like such a fool.”

Erik, on the other hand, felt like things were looking up for him, seeing as how Charles had just confirmed his interest in men. 

“I could get my own hotel room, but not like this, obviously,” he said, starting to pace again and gesturing behind himself to indicate his ripped pants. He seemed much less self-conscious about exposing himself in front of Erik now. 

“What if you came to my hotel?”

Charles turned to look at Erik, surprised. 

“I’m certain there’s a sewing kit there,” Erik continued, feeling a little uncomfortable now that he had made the offer. Charles was going to think he had less-than-noble intentions. 

He conveniently ignored the fact that he might, in fact, have less-than-noble intentions. 

“Aaah...that is...very kind of you,” Charles said slowly. “But there is still the matter of getting upstairs.”

“I will get my coat,” Erik said. “You can hold it to preserve your modesty as we are leaving the party. We can take my rental car to my hotel. You can sew up your pants with the sewing kit there; I even have a pair of sweatpants you can wear while you do it.”

Charles stared at Erik for a moment. “You don’t even know me,” he pointed out. “I could be a serial killer for all you know.”

“Well, it’s always nice to have something in common,” Erik said with a smile. 

Charles barked out a laugh in surprise. “I really hope you are kidding,” he said. 

Erik held his hands open in supplication. “Let’s find out.”


End file.
